What is Marriage?

Happily married fantasy happens only in the movies and it’s not possible in real life until you make it so.

Any one you marry,  you will have differences for sure.  You will have to work on yourself to get to a comfortable place to live with anyone.

Why I Did not pursue a Divorce?

August 17 2023

What is marriage? I have pondered this question a lot.  Wikipedia says – Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children. Being married also gives legitimacy to sexual relations within the marriage.

According to me it’s just a Structure between two people who agree to stay together and raise their kids in a loving environment.

So why am I married?

I was 23 when I got married and I didn’t have the clarity then. I got married because my parents wanted me to get married. I in fact had a boy friend then, but I didn’t have the courage to pursue a love marriage given my family dynamics.

My marriage was a pukka arranged marriage where I didn’t even meet my husband in person before agreeing to get married. Because he was in US at that time and I was living in chennai.

Slowly, when I met him and saw him – I started seeing red lights – meaning he wasn’t as emotionally available as I expected him to be. It’s been 17 years since we got married and I have been contemplating divorce for all these 17 years. I have been seriously thinking about a divorce for many years since there are many times I seriously regretted this marriage. But when I look back, I regret it only when I am angry.

I believe there is no “one perfect person” for me. I decide and make it work. For me, it’s a matter of decision. Since I am already inside a marriage for 17 years and we have setup a beautiful structure to provide a nourishing environment for the kids, I am not pursuing a divorce.

I have always lived life in my terms. My husband has always given me a lot of freedom to live life my way!

I have come across a lot of guys in my life and I haven’t found one person with whom I would be happily married for ever. I guess this happily married fantasy happens only in the movies and it’s not possible in real life until I make it so.

Any guy I marry, I will have differences for sure.  I will have to work on myself to get to a comfortable place to live with anyone. I believe I have come to a comfortable place within myself to live with my husband and make peace with all the differences that we have.

At times, when I get angry – I regret this marriage and it doesn’t mean I have to go and get a divorce. It just means I am acting out of anger. Later, when I clear my head – I can see things clearly. A divorce will not solve my problem, because I will have differences with anyone for that matter.

My Learning to Share

I am still learning and I am still making peace with wherever I am in this marriage. After all, we are all a work in progress!

What is marriage for you?

Why are you married or not married?

Let me know your thoughts..

August 17 2023